THE CAPTAIN’S too hungover to play, the goalie’s been fielded for the first time ever and Sean’s so muddy that his mam won’t let him back in the house – a typical Sunday League match for the Darlington side dubbed the country’s worst football team.

“I can’t wait until we get relegated,” sighs Andy Dixon, striker for Redhall Tigers FC, a Sunday League team currently vying for the title of worst team in the country.

It’s Sunday morning, I’m wearing three layers and shivering in the January sun along with a die-hard crew of about 30 supporters.

We’ve turned out to watch a motley crew of lads clad in red, yellow and mud as they take on the intimidating force of the Spraire Lads.

The Darlington teams are doing battle at Redhall Community Centre and five minutes in there’s already an air of resignation hanging in the air as the opposition start as they mean to go on.

I’m The Northern Echo’s least likely football supporter, vastly preferring books and warmth to sport and mud.

However, even my cynical heart cannot fail to be warmed by the story of the lads who just won’t give up – despite never winning a game and once being slaughtered 21-0 by a team of florists from Sunderland.

I love that determination, I love that they’re all a bit crap and I love that supporters from the estate that spawned them turn out in their droves every week to cheer them on.

I'm not so keen on the fact that, without sponsorship, they have nowhere to train and not enough money to get their players matching socks.

“We’re so bad,” says 27-year-old Dixon, “they’re all brilliant lads but we were shot right in the deep end when our manager signed us up for the wrong division.

“We’re looking forward to being relegated so we can start again properly.”

Dixon’s substitute today and as we chat, goals come in thick and fast – though predictably not in our favour.

By half-time, we’re 4-2 down but nobody’s dejected.

“Sunday league’s what I live for,” screams a man in a bobble-hat who turns out to be the captain, too hungover to play himself.

To be fair, they would have fared much worse without goalie Stu Grainger, drafted in at last minute and fending off approximately a goal a minute.

Eavesdropping, I hear red-headed Stu was rubbish at school -“two-left feet” - but he’s easily the best player in red and yellow today.

Everyone knows everyone – I’m introduced to the family of Sean Ogston – at 16, the team’s youngest player - and taken to meet the team’s youngest supporter, 11-week-old Heidi Davies who’s been to almost every match since birth.

Friendly and proud, this is a community working hard and determined to champion their own.

Sean’s father, also named Sean, says: “It’s about community – the lads have grown up together and the football keeps them out of trouble, though it’s more entertainment than football.

“We all try to look after each other - there’s been less trouble on the estate since this started and it’s team building, instead of animosity.”

The team troop off the pitch towards their fans, 9-4 down but with the kind of pride that can only come wearing a Redhall Tigers FC shirt.

To relive the match in its full glory, visit twitter.com/joannalmorris.